I was hesitant to reach out mainly because I didn’t know what to say at first and it’s been a couple of years since you’ve posted. Anyways, I too was adopted from Ethiopia when I was 5, about 15 years ago, along with my nonbiological brother who was 6 at the time. While I can’t speak for my brother, I can say as an adopted child, moving to America and living among people that didn’t speak my language, understand me, or look like me, things were pretty hard growing up. Similar to your family, we attended a lot of family therapy, my parents read lots of books, went to group sessions and probably cried a lot; let’s just say, adopting two children at the same time was very difficult – mind you, my parents also had another child (age 7). Personal story aside, my main reason for reaching out was to let you know, I appreciated your blog and as an adopted girl, I wanted to give you some unsolicited advice for your daughter on a few things you may or may not already know. HAIR CARE: First, when she gets older, she may decide to get wigs, extensions, weaves, box braids or relax her hair, a process to straighten out her curls. All of these can be very expensive, but try to remember quality is better than quantity. I personally chose to relax mine by a stylist who specialized in natural hair and got it treated every month or so (pricing can range between $100-$400). Relaxing is a normal process for most black girls to go through; I started when I was in middle school about to enter high school, but stopped when I entered college. Second, learn to take care of her hair properly, you might already be doing this, but try to attend classes to understand what products go best with her hair, get some books to understand the cultural significance connected to natural hair, and maybe find a friend to teach you how to braid, lay her edges or style it in general (this can also be helpful for Shea). Third, while this may be redundant, it’s important to sleep with a bonnet, a silk pillow case or something that protects her hair when sleeping – protection is key for natural hair. Finally, speaking from experience, natural hair is a pain in the ass to take care of, it’s taken me years to start loving my hair, but if she’s taught how to take care of it, it will help tremendously when she’s older. If all else fails, YouTube is always a great place to start. Side note, Shea’s hair is just as important, be sure he knows how to take care of it as well. SKIN CARE: First and foremost, it’s pretty obvious, but black skin is different than others. Simply put, lotion is a must. Second, acne shows up differently on black skin, meaning more at risk to pomade acne and hyperpigmentation acne (invest in a dermatologist specialized for poc if wanting prescriptions). Great brands that also work for treating these and acne in general are The Ordinary and Curology. MAKEUP: Finding your shade as a black women can be hard, but a few black owned brands I’ve come to love are Fenty Beauty, Mented Cosmetics and Juvia’s Place. Hopefully by the time she’s ready for any of these changes, more options will be available. Fingers crossed.

Best Wishes!

P.S. I hope I’m not being to forward with any of these, they’re more of helpful guidance than anything. Hope you and your family are having a good new year thus far!

You are so kind. Thank you for sharing that and I am so sorry that you felt that way in your family. I know that I don’t know everything but we are really trying hard in order for Shea to feel included and whole. We are so very proud of him, all of him.

Marilynn, It doesn’t feel you really care about the child it’s all fake seem to me. I love the family that was so kind and selfless that went all the way to help a child to give him a beautiful life and opportunity to grow in a safe country. He’ll be very grateful when he grow up for all the sacrifices his America family have gone thru. You seem to me a bit off the way you coming on the family. I don’t really feel your sincerity in your reply. As always if you don’t have any thing good to say why not just be quiet. Don’t assume about other people generosity or effort it’s not easy to raise one child this family God Bless them raising two adoptive children who have been given wonderful opportunity. I just wonder if you even volunteer in your local ministry? sorry, I really feel you are not sincere if I’m wrong I apologize.
I thank you very much the family on behalf of the kids!

God Bless You!

David, I am sorry if I implied the author would not let him visit. I read the other articles about his trip home. He loved being home and she should have given him back to his mother and father who did not ever agree to have him adopted out! Sure he is sequestered from his family they moved him to another country and the only way he can see his family is if they bring him on visits . He’s just a little boy he has so many years left of his childhood he could spend raised by his parents with his siblings. This is a very very sad story and I was hoping the author would explain why she just brought him to visit when the adoption was never agreed to occur in the first place. Imagine the anguish of his parents and family who were all so thrilled to have him home only to have the people who adopted him keep him still.. I’m just saying have some empathy for him and his family. It was all a big mistake let him go home to live out his life.

Marilynn,

You are making some vast assumptions. Where in the article does it say that they will not allow their son to go back as a child or when he is older to help his family. Did the author say she forbid it, no there is another article where she writes about going back to meet his family. Clearly she went out of her way to connect her son to his biological family. It doesn’t seem like anyone is being “sequestered” here. Stop making up stories in your own head.